Operation Hercules/Transcript

This is the transcript from Operation Hercules.

Chainer: Well, good morning, guys. I think it’s time we get out of here.

Ace: Let’s do this.

Chainer opens a closet to find several sets of clone trooper armor

Chainer: Hey look! Body-buckets!

Chainer begins putting on a set of armor

Sweetwater: Oh, no. You’re not getting me in one of those! I’ve seen Keith get stuck in one of those things one time when we were clowning around at an Army supply warehouse! See Keith was wondering what it felt like to be a KIA, so he-

Ace: Sweetwater, if you don’t shut up now, you’re going to find yourself strapped to the back of a camel in the Sahara Dessert with a recording of Rick Astly playing on repeat!

Sweetwater: Really? I love Rick Astly! He got to be my all-time favorite artist-

Chainer: Sweetwater!

Sweetwater: Yeah CC?

Chainer: Stop calling me CC and listen: You were thinking of body bags, not body-buckets. It’s what we clones call our armor. Here, catch.

''Chainer chucks a clone trooper helmet at Sweetwater. Sweetwater ducks as it hits the wall with a crash.''

Sweetwater: Oh crap!

''Chainer continues to chuck armor plates at Sweetwater until a full set is piled on top of Sweetwater. Ace laughs.''

Ace: Nice.

Chainer: Hurry up and get that bucket on!

Sweetwater: How?

Chainer shoves the different plates into place, finally slamming the helmet on.

Chainer: There you go, Shinie. How about you, Chipmunk? You want some armor?

Chipmunk: No thanks. It’ll slow me down. Make me an easy target.

Chainer: Hey, it’s one thing for them to see you coming; it’s another thing entirely for them to do anything about it.

Chipmunk: You shouldn’t be able to see a sniper at all. It kind of defeats the purpose.

Chainer: Good point. What about you, Ace?

Ace: Nah, I think I'll pass.

Chainer: All right, form up on me.

They make their way to the surface to encounter a large group of Militia.

Chainer: Head for that Observation room!

''They fight their way to the Observation Room. From there, they continue firing for several minutes until they realize the Militia has stopped.''

Sweetwater: Aw, c'mon man! Why'd they stop? I've almost beat my own killscore record!

Ace: Sweetwater-

Chipmunk: No, he's right. They've stopped for some reason. Why?

A large truck drives up, carrying a large trailer.

Chainer: I've got a bad feeling about this.

''The trailer opens from the side to reveal fifty T-4 Warrior Droids, armed with Z-6s and other blaster weapons. They charge the Observation Room.''

Chainer: Shab! Let them have it!

Ace: Please tell me you know what these things are!

Chainer: Haven't got a kriffing clue!

''Chipmunk fires three shots into the head of a T-4. Its head bends back into place.''

Chipmunk: Crap! Our guns are useless! The bullets just bounce off them!

Chainer: Save your ammo for the wets! I'm gonna try something!

''Chainer fires the DC-15A into a T-4's chest. It goes down.''

Chainer: They're vulnerable to blaster shots!

Chipmunk: Too bad we've only got two blasters!

Chainer: There's only fifty of them!

Six more trucks drive up and unload their cargo of T-4s.

Chipmunk: ...You were saying?

Chainer: Shab! If only we had some droid poppers!

Ace: "Droid poppers"?

Chainer: EMP grenades. We use them to knock out droids.

Sweetwater picks up a remote control from the table

Sweetwater: "EMP"? That's what this remote control is for! It's a lot bigger than a grenade, though.

Chainer: That's it! Sweetwater, you've just saved our backsides!

''They launch the EMP. It goes off, knocking out all the T-4s''

Chainer: Everyone alright?

Ace: Yep, we're fine. Lost most of the electronic gear, though.

Sweetwater: My armor isn't out, though. Why's that?

Chainer: It's hardened against EMP blasts.

Ace: I'm going to go check out that bunker for more clues on what those things were.

Chainer: I'll come with you. Ace: What about the new guys?

Ace gestures to Chipmunk and Sweetwater, where the latter of the two is clowning around with the head of a T-4 Warrior Droid.

Chainer: Chipmunk can handle the new guy.

Ace: Alright, if you're sure.

Chipmunk: Don't worry, Pretty Boy. I've got it under control.

Ace: Don't call me "Pretty Boy"!

Chainer: Yeah, Chipmunk! Can't you see he's more of an "Old and Grumpy" than a "Pretty Boy"?

Ace: Now don't you start!

Chainer: I'm joking! Come on; who's afraid of the Big Bad Clankers?

Sweetwater: Me.

Chipmunk: Me.

Ace: Me.

Chainer: Yeah, me too. Come on, Ace. Let's get this over with.

Chainer and Ace make their way to the bunker.

Chainer: Hmm... Seems the bunker was EMP-shielded. That means any T-4s down there are active and running.

Ace: Let’s go.

During this, with Chipmunk and Sweetwater: Chipmunk: Sweets, spot for me. Use those binoculars if you have to.

Sweetwater: Guy to the left, 3 meters. Fire when ready.

Sweetwater: Nice shot. See that guy climbing up the tree?

Chipmunk: I got him.

Sweetwater: Cool. Another guy, nine-o-clock. Elevation two meters.

Chipmunk: If you tell me to aim to the left one more time...

Sweetwater: Well, they're gone now. You got them all.

Chipmunk: Good. Two more guys coming, you see them?

Sweetwater: Oh dude! That reminds me of that time my buddy Keith, he went on a diet on account of what the doctor sayin he had to go on a diet or he'd die, so they told him he could drink nothin' but them little diet shakes, but those are like five bucks a can man and Keith is like "Well I ain't gunna...

Chipmunk: Did he die?

Sweetwater: Ah no man, he gained like 30 pounds but he did invent a truckload of tasty drinks, I was always kinda partial to the Keith Kiwi Kamikaze.

Chipmunk: ...Sometimes I wonder about you.

Meanwhile, with Ace and Chainer

Chainer: I think I heard something, and it wasn’t my stomach.

Ace: Me too. I think there are definitely T-4s down here

Chainer: LOOK OUT!

''Three T-4s appear in the darkness. Ace and Chainer both open fire with their Deecees, destroying one T-4 while blasting the limbs off of another. The third T-4 retreats to call reinforcements.''

Ace: That was close!

T-4: Resistance is futile, foolish meatbags! We are machines! We are greater than any organic could ever be!

Chainer shoots the head off of the T-4

Chainer: Says the clanker without any limbs.

Ace: “Meatbags”?

Chainer: It’s a term first used by the assassin droid HK-47, in the time of the Old Republic after the Mandalorian Wars.

Ace: I see. Let’s take this head with us. Maybe the Echo Corps can analyze it and figure out some more facts.

Chainer: I’ll take Rojas’s computer memory to analyze back on the Defiant.

T-4s: Intruder alert! Open fire on the meatbags!

Ace: Looks like we’ve worn out our welcome. Let’s go!

They return to the surface with the equipment

Chipmunk: About time you got here. Militia forces are closing in; about 200 of them front and back!

Chainer: We need to exfil now! Ace; can you reach Command?

Ace: Negative, Chainer. The EMP knocked out our radios.

Chainer: I’ll call Nikolai on the comlink in this helmet. Nikolai, can you hear me?

Nikolai: Da, Chainer. I take it you need extraction?

Chainer: Yep, we’re in pretty deep. Do you have the coordinates?

Nikolai: Da, my friend. Try to have the situation under control before I get there, da?

Chainer: Understood.

After holding out for a while, Nikolai’s chopper arrives

Chainer: There’s Nikolai. Let’s get going!

Ace: Hopefully we won’t get shot down.

A T-4 fires an RPG at the chopper

Sweetwater: Oh uh, RPG! RPG!

Chipmunk snipes it out of the air before it hits the chopper

Nikolai: I see you do not have the situation under control.

Chipmunk: We’re trying here, ok? We just had to fight some big, bad robots; don’t mess with us!

They get into the chopper and are in the air when a missile clips the tail of the chopper

Nikolai: We’re hit! We’re going down!

Ace: How many parachutes do you have?

Nikolai: Only four. You can go, I'll stay-

Chainer: It’s alright. I don’t need one.

''Chainer jumps from the doomed chopper without a parachute, while the others follow with parachutes. They reconvene at the Observation Deck.''

Chainer: I called the Echo Corps. They’ll be here in 45 seconds.

Chipmunk: Why so fast?

Chainer: The Defiant is directly overhead.

''LAAT/i Gunships soon descend, scattering the Militia. The squad reaches the nearest gunship and is on their way to Eastern Ukraine to meet up with Boss and Ghost.''

Chainer: One last thing.

Rojas’s hideout is destroyed by the Echo Corps.

Chainer: That should be the last we see of the T-4s.

Ace: I don’t know…

Nikolai: I need a new chopper.

Sweetwater: Did I ever tell you guys about the time Keith and I escaped a Brazilian favela with, like, the entire town on our tails? …Oh wait, that was with you guys! Aw man, I can’t WAIT to tell Keith about that one!

Chainer: You say a word of this to anyone and we’ll lock you and the people you told in a room full of angry T-4s!

Sweetwater: Yeesh, CC; no need to be so touchy!

Chainer grabs a Z-6 from the wall and warms it up, the barrels spinning ominously

Sweetwater: Oh crap! I take it back!

The squad breaks into laughter